So, I feel like “31 Days” is kicking my butt.
And I also feel like I’m failing miserably at slowing down and savouring.
This week has just felt out of control. Part of that is me committing to too much (stay tuned for the “saying no” post), part of it is lack of routine related to James’ wacky work schedule, part of it is the reality that life with wee ones throws curve balls, and so there are days, and weeks, when the dishes pile high and the laundry piles higher and the only thing getting me through are the prayers to one higher than all the rest.
I was gonna just quit 31 Days altogether, since it’s the 12th and I’m doing my ninth post. Then I remembered what I said in the beginning about being gracious with myself, and decided I’d keep going. Partly because Lisa-Jo keeps telling me to. Partly because I think it’s a good exercise. Partly because I said I would.
Anyway. Slowing down. Not good at it.
I’m sure anyone who has tried to accomplish anything with a young child in tow knows what I’m talking about. But man, does he ever go slow. And it drives me nuts. And it’s the cause of a lot of our frustrating interactions.
My lack of preparation to accommodate his slowness is the cause of a lot of our frustrating interactions (Amber’s brilliant and way more poetic than I on that topic). Last week, when I was invited to the park while he was napping, I said we could be there soon. He woke up, I went in, we hugged and I started in with “Okay! Do you want to go to the park? Let’s go use the bathroom and grab a snack and get your shoes on and go!” And after laying in bed for another 15 minutes, dawdling to the bathroom, slowly finding shoes and then eating a snack in the car ’cause I was getting so impatient (and late to meet a friend), we got to the park an hour-and-a-half later. And for some reason, this frustrates me, even though going to the park was supposed to be fun for him.
It’s the same with the walk to school, eating any meal, getting dressed, using the bathroom.
And in the long run – it doesn’t really matter. As long as I’ve been careful to leave us enough time to go slow, and not committed to more than we can realistically accomplish.
So. I’m learning to take deep breaths. To bite my tongue. To think carefully about what we can actually do in the time we have. To stop nagging and pressuring. To pull back the hand that wants to guide the shoulder to move a little quicker. ‘Cause when I rush it – when I rush him, we both end up frustrated. And anything worth savouring turns sour.
To read more of my 31 Days to Slow Down & Savour, click below.
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